Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Q: "Can Ceylon Tea Help You in the Bedroom?" A: "Well, obviously."

"Can Ceylon Tea Help You in the Bedroom?" asks the New York Daily News. Answer: Obviously, yes.

A hot cup of Ceylon tea is better known as being soothing and relaxing, but Sri Lanka is now marketing its most profitable export as a luxury boost for the libido.

The tea industry is increasingly plugging Ceylon's supposed aphrodisiac qualities in a bid to radically change perceptions of the brew, which manufacturers say can sell for less than water in some markets.

"We are highlighting the properties of tea that can give you an edge in the bedroom," said Rohan Fernando, whose firm HVA Foods sells a small 60-gram jar of premium Ceylon for $350.

"Tea has traditionally been the poor man's drink. We want to be at the top-end of the supply chain," he said.

The industry may not yet have hard medical proof of Ceylon's performance-enhancing powers, but they have long been the stuff of legend among Sri Lankan tea lovers.

"When your overall health improves, your sexual performance automatically increases."

{ Ouch, looks hot. And a tea bag? Not sexy. }

As Ceylon gets sexed up, we should plan to create some hot, hot, hot tea-infused perfumes; and we should be aware that, "Would you like a cuppa, IYKWIMAITYD*," will become the premiere pick-up line of the future.

Of course, this cannot be limited to Ceylon teas only. Out of 7 million people on this planet, 1.34 billion are Chinese. And the Chinese invented drinking tea. You do the math.

{ Hey, babe, wanna come up
and look at my engravings
Yixing collection*? }

*"If you know what I mean, and I think you do."


Kevin Walls said...

It is sad for those who drink Ceylon tea. Now they’d have to pay more to enjoy their usual cup of tea. Unless of course, they’ve been using Ceylon tea as how the Sri Lankans are endorsing it.